When it comes to dealing with situations that didn’t quite go your way, it can be almost impossible not to hold onto regrets. You replay the scenario over and over in your mind, thinking of what you would’ve changed. Sound familiar?
Truth be told, perfectionism runs in my family. My dear parents, sisters whom I love very much are absolute perfectionists in their own unique ways (myself included, of course). I’ve seldom heard of them talking about feeling happy or enthusiastic when making an awesome decision.
As for me, there were only the right choices (they are supposed to be made flawlessly as planned) or choices of failure with tons of regret attached. I’ve learned to treat the word “regret” as an important part of our family communication since I was little. We should’ve have done that… I could’ve been more… You wouldn’t have said that…, etc.
Sometimes it’s difficult to anticipate because it could seem like a quick venting, but be watchful about this enduring feeling that can sneakily impact different areas of your life.
So, here’s how to stay mindful when regrets come at you.
1. Practice awareness
How do you feel in your body when you hear yourself saying “I wish I could’ve…, why shouldn’t I just…, It would’ve been different if…?” A sense of out of control, dissatisfaction or powerlessness?
You can try this fun rubber band exercise that I picked up from a mentor of mine. Put it on your wrist. Every time you complain, blame or focus on what is not working, you will change the rubber band to the other wrist. Then say, “I give myself permission to concentrate on what is working.”
Notice what you notice. What comes up, release it without having to figure it out or analyze it. Focus your attention on “X is working in my life and I’m grateful for this.” See how putting your focused awareness on what is working shifts your life.
2. Sense yourself in the present
Be aware of the timing space. Are you future-tripping or past-regressing? If you notice that you are, pull yourself back a bit to see the surrounding.
What do you EXACTLY see, hear, smell, feel, or taste now, at this moment?? It’s so easy to get digitally addicted nowadays and numb your senses. Connect with your five senses with intention and grab all your raw human perceptions back! First, SLOW DOWN everything you are doing.
You can activate your senses by experiencing everything for THE FIRST TIME as you’ve just arrived on the planet:
– Savoring a sip of coffee
– Smelling the fragrance the person just passing by in the room,
– Seeing the details of the painting hanging on the wall,
– Walking barefoot on grass,
– Touching the hair around your neck, however way you like it.
How do these sensations make you feel? Remember to do everything slowly, and you can immediately connect with your present self by whatever preference (visual, auditory, olfactory, etc.) you choose to stimulate and tap into! You are resourceful enough to bring yourself back to the NOW and you are more magical than you think you are! So, PLAY!
3. Journal your heart out
What a cliché I thought. All gurus out there are talking about journaling. Honestly speaking, I’ve never been a big fan of journaling at all; not till I started realizing how the real effect took place. It’s not intended to be a long “diary,” but just a short, simple list of things you are grateful for on that particular day.
What gifts (tangible or intangible) have I received today?
This is a place to honor and appreciate the good in your life. You don’t have to keep a daily one if that’s too much of a workload for you, but you can choose to do it on a weekly or bi-weekly basis (as long as it’s not an annual one, lol). Rather than storing everything in your headspace, you stimulate the kinesthetic system through writing, and you can better develop a harmonious relationship with your heart.
Besides Love, gratitude is one of the greatest vibrations you can experience in life. Being truly grateful for what’s already present in your life will automatically and effortlessly attract more good into your life. Even if you feel awful towards something just happened or a while back, practice writing words to yourself as you are talking to a BFF! Allowing your emotions out on paper, then decide to let go of that feeling of regret (low vibrational energy) simply because you’ve already done your absolute best at that point in time.
“Of all the attitudes we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important, and by far the most life-changing.”
– Zig Ziglar
p.s. Don’t get attached to the outcome. Focus on the process of writing.
4. Radical acceptance with a new “What If” Question
Stop arguing with yourself, “What if I had never done this or that?”
Instead, open your heart up and wonder:
“What if this is supposed to be happening. And every choice I’ve made so far is as perfect as it has been to serve my highest good?”
This immediately helps release your overthinking so you can come back to this moment in time and choose to move forward. You don’t need to get stuck, and you don’t need to feel sorry for yourself.
Toning down your regret towards certain things in life does take some practice. But be mindful of the fact that words are powerful. Either they serve you or destroy you. So, let’s choose them wisely!
Sending you much love,
xoxo,
Jen
