Who Are You?!

Have you ever wondered?

Imagine you have that little go-to box where you can find many “labels” you can use to attach onto yourself so it “makes sense” when relating to human society.

I got my own set of labels too, lol.

“Born in Taiwan, grew up in the States in my teen years, lived in Japan for half a decade, had been working in the IT industry for more than a decade, I have 2 younger sisters, I am an introverted extrovert and highly sensitive…(continue to search for more background information, lol).”

Underneath, the identity crisis has always been the by-product of insecurity that is sugarcoated by layers of past cultural experiences.  Feeling deeply lonely was like a shadowy theme and I overcompensated my lack of a feeling of belonging by trying to fit in, achieve and be perfect.

To a point, I was like an exhausted chameleon standing alone, feeling naked and self-conscious without any camouflage.  There, I started to think what’s wrong with me, why was I such an oddball feeling this way, who can really understand me?  Why I am doing here, so on and so forth.

I’d like to share with you some of my lessons learned when it comes to feeling lonely and lost.

1. You are not the only one feeling this way

Feeling lonely is not a direct cause of being alone. It’s possible to feel lonely even when we are surrounded by people.  If you are feeling lonely occasionally, congratulations, and give yourself a big round of applause because you are not alone.

When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your anxious mind trying to sell you a lie.  There’s always someone who can relate to you. Trust me on this one. :))

2. Solitude is what you needed sometimes

 Here’s an irony that I’ve learned through my near deaf experience. The moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself.  Solitude is needed because when we’re alone, it’s one of the best opportunities to learn to tune into your intuition and let it guide you.

And the truth is, throughout our life, there will be times when the world gets real quiet, and the only thing left is the beat of our own heart.  So why don’t we capitalize this “loneliness” to better learn the sound of it; otherwise we’ll never understand what it’s trying to tell us. (A good Read. Quiet by Susan Cain: The Power of Introverts)  

3. Be okay to ride through confusion like Tango Dancing

Remember that everyone suffers in life at some point.  Everyone feels lost sometimes.  The key is using your experiences to grow.  Being confused is not necessarily a bad thing.

In fact, you have to be a little lost first to find what you’re really looking for.  Realizing getting lost is the first step to living the life you want.  It’s counterintuitive, but there’s some truth to it.

We’re taught to distinguish well and make the “RIGHT CHOICE.”  But, there is no such thing called “a wrong choice.”    It’s ok to get anxious.   It’s part of being human.

Imagine that you are tango dancing towards the unknown, and trusting that you’re being held.  When you apply what you’re learning to your future choices & actions, even if it’s one step forward, two steps back, I can guarantee you that you move forward not backward.  You will become stronger and wiser.  It’s not easy, but it’s well worth it in the end.

The second step is leaving the life you don’t want.  I understand that making a big life change is pretty daunting.  Sometimes, I am scared too.  But you know what’s even scarier?  Regret.  Change is the only constant, and we need to learn how not to create too much resistance when experiencing life situations (A good reference. Abraham Hicks: The Path of Least Resistance).

4. Give yourself some loving energy, a good pat on the shoulder

 Despite what causes your loneliness, when diving in deeper, you’ll realize that little inner voice of yours is just like a little kid, nagging and craving for more L.O.V.E (care, attention, approval, recognition, etc.) from you.  So, be kind to yourself.

You’ve come this far to become who you are right now.  Never deny who you are as a person just because of something triggers your momentary confusion or loneliness.  One of my favorite quote from Marie Forleo:

Everything is Figureout-able, no matter where you are.

p.s. I do get a taste of my lonely pie or feeling lost every once in a while, but it doesn’t bother me as much. Lol. So you can do this!

Sending you much love,

xoxo,

Jen