Self-trained Shaming Queen
“Without labor nothing prospers,” my family motto.
Born and raised in a reserved, scientific minded Asian family in Taiwan, where hard work and self-discipline are highly valued. Growing up as a highly sensitive kid with an extreme perceptive nervous system, I get easily flustered or overwhelmed by the external environment.
But, I learned to pick up subtle cues, stay quiet so I don’t rock the boat with my emotional intensity.
There must be something wrong with me, I thought.
“Keep it to yourself, no one gets you. People will find out you’re an odd ball,”
“Just stay quiet & focus on doing the right thing!” I reminded myself over and over again with profound loneliness.
Not knowing how to manage my volatile inner world, I felt shame and animosity towards my sensitive nature. I secretly wished to be born tougher or more thick-skinned so things wouldn’t bother me as much.
To keep my sensitivity at bay, shutting down my feelings & staying fixated on excelling in academics worked well to please my hardworking parents and in return, I got the loving attention I needed.
After all, a GOOD GIRL never fails expectations of others, right? 😐
Marching into my adulthood with ongoing worry, guilt, self-anger, fueled by the fear that I might be doing things “wrong” felt like walking on eggshells…
Disconnection From My Heart
Sure, I was a responsible, diligent go-getter in my IT corporate sales years. On the outside, I looked put together, a trusted professional with a decent level of self-esteem. But deep down inside, I felt victimized by my extreme emotional reactivity to surroundings. Immersing in work seemed to be the only way to distract myself from feeling too much.
What’s the next thing to strive for on my list?
I concluded that you can only gain respect from others by showing how capable you are. Failure is not an option. There’s always a LARGE room for further improvement (Tiger Mom style!)
Negative self-talk easily creeped up on me whenever things didn’t turn out as planned. There, seeking external validation from others seemed to be the only strategy to stabilize my shaky self-worth.
“No matter how hard you try, you’re just not good enough…”
“You should’ve done better…”
“You gotta try harder!!!”
“What if you can’t make it…?”
Imagine, if my bestie says those things to me, I’d probably already kick her to the curb!
Pivotal Moment In Life
Sometimes, we simply have to lose our sh*t to regain it…
Towards the end of 2012, I was shaken to the core with a sudden near-deaf experience. I lost nearly 90% of my hearing in both ears due to overstress according to doctors.
Quitting my job to recuperate was the last resort. Without being able to identify myself with a given job title, I felt like a total loser stuck in the mud of confusion, but trying to look strong.
During the silent period of approx. 3.5 months, I went from frantically judging myself in despair to start questioning the deepest WHY’s. Why am I even on this planet? I was forced to face my fears head-on.
Following My Inner GPS
Looking back on the experience itself, I realize that it was merely a physical manifestation of how disconnected I was from myself (mind, body and soul).
I’ve neglected my intuition for the longest time, and the Universe had to shut it all down in order for me to get a grip on myself. Learning how to LISTEN again, but this time from the inside out through SILENCE!
Metamorphosis doesn’t stop.
Throughout the years of diving into the study of self-love, engaging with various healing modalities, diving into ancient wisdom & developing my soul’s gifts supported by many beautiful teachers worldwide, my empathic sensitivity allows me to guide beloved clients who’re ready and open to emerge through their own transformation.💗
Loving Yourself Is The First Step To Activating True Leadership
If you have read this far, you’re probably able to relate to your own experience (I hope!).
Life has so much to offer but it’s a lot shorter than you think. So, don’t wait to start digging into your own gold mine today! You are Your Greatest Asset. And, everything starts from – Master Your Inner World.
“Little but not too little” reminder: You are born worthy and there is nothing you can do to become more worthy or deserving, except to realize that you are!
- Founder of Jen Yang Metamorphosis Co., Ltd.
- Personal Transformational Mentor, Psychic intuitive.
- Guided Energy Medicine Practitioner, Energy healer.
- Co-Author of Wild and Wise Women Around the World.
- ACTP, Certified Professional Coach.
- Certified Soul Alignment Blueprint™ Practitioner.
- Certified Self-love teacher and guide by The Path of Self-Love School.
- Lecturer and guest speaker of National Taipei University of Technology (Faculty of Business Management – Emotional Intelligence Management).
- Certified Art of Sacred Circle Holder trained through The Art of Sacred Circle Program.
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
– Pierre Teilhard de Chardin