Ever catch yourself thinking: “I hope certain things didn’t happen the way they did…” Just like those re-runs of sitcom episodes, you watch over & over & over in your heads every so often, if not every day.
Our life is like a giant library, and we get to find that particular book of wisdom to feed our soul in the right place at the right time. The premise is if we’re willing to take a deeper look at what’s going on inside. So, even if you feel sick & tired of ruminating over the past, it’s ok. Know that there’s always a reason (known or unknown) for these old stories to resurface, so you get to juice out what’s needed.
And guess what, there’s no right or wrong, only the way we choose to see things.
As much as I want to say, staying in the present moment is everything, but I gotta acknowledge that the Past is my teacher. Here’re some juicy wisdom learned from my own rumination over the past.
1. It’s Ok Not to Know Everything
When an unexpected change occurs, the first question often pops up into our head is, “why?” We start putting on our Sherlock Holmes detective hat and wanting to figure out the deeper meaning behind all situations, especially if we resonate with the belief that everything happens for a reason.
Any sudden happening can evoke emotional reactions and challenge our opinions and beliefs. You may not feel in control. Depends on the intensity of the situation you experience, you may feel like your world and emotions are about to shatter in front of you, and you are trying your best not to get drown in the middle of stormy chaos. And yes, that can be a scary place to be.
During the times of dealing with uncertainty, patience was probably the last word I wanted to hear, which is one of my biggest lessons I need to master this lifetime. :)) I felt restless and tempted to bypass the process of trusting the unknown so that I could get down to the nitty-gritty of everything (who, what, when, how…). But sometimes taking shortcuts only leads to short circuit. Lol.
Like a glass of muddy water, we cannot possibly separate the mud from the water by actively trying to stir, the mud rises, and it only gets muddier. We don’t have to make things more complicated than they need to be. The water appears clear as the mud is left to lie. The more we love ourselves through these unexpected circumstances, greater clarity and faith emerge, rather than thinking that we have to somehow exert complete control over everything like reining a wild horse 24/7.
It’s ok to not know everything. It’s ok to let things simmer in mystery… Embracing the unknown is an art we’re here to master. Trust that everything we are going through is preparing us for what we have asked for, and wisdom would be revealed whenever we are ready to receive.
If we allow ourselves to come to a place where we find peace in not knowing why something has happened and giving full permission that the experience is making us stronger, wiser, better, or clearer, we can navigate through any incoming situation with a much more positive outlook.
We aren’t always meant to know exactly why something happens in our lives, and that’s okay.
Release neediness to know everything, we are here to learn from the Mystical side of Life. ~ Jen Yang
2. Relationships: Reflection of Your True Nature
If we were all born with a user’s manual for our human experience from Day 1, would we be having a blissful journey or feeling unsatisfied because everything is just too predictable?
We are given plenty of script outlines that we get to play out every 365 days. Like plot twists in a movie, for any situation to occur, it normally takes at least 2 to tango. A relationship (including the one with yourself) has to take place. It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship with your parents, children, spouse/partner, friends, neighbors, colleagues, pets, or even a stranger on the street, it can teach us priceless lessons. Of course, some can be harder to chew on than others and may ride some curves to get to the hidden treasure behind the scenes.
When a relationship gets intense, we may experience an emotional shutdown, numbness, or feel the need to escape, because we are fearful of things getting out of control. But when we are willing to lean in (yes, some courage needed), each relationship serves as a mirror of opportunity for us to see beyond the situations that give great insights about ourselves (e.g., the hidden unmet needs, wants).
Just because a relationship or experience was brief doesn’t mean it was of less importance than a relationship or experience that was longer. Personally speaking, some of the toughest relationships that had brought me the most pain, was the ones shed light on me so powerfully that I couldn’t pretend to ignore the deeper truth of who I am (or the BS I’ve been telling myself). I couldn’t be more blessed to receive great teaching from each one of them!
Our soul craves to grow and expand through connections.
Got your human bodysuit as a vehicle? Checked! Got your “customized,” unique persona to play a role with? Checked! Got your super brain to analyze? Checked! Got air to breathe? Checked! We are all fully equipped to experience the Highs and Lows of various relationship dynamics that allow us to see and explore more about what’s going on inside of us, our heart intelligence.
No significant learning can occur without a significant relationship. ~ James Comer
3. Embracing Your Rhythm
I notice when I overextend myself, I get easily sucked into other’s emotional turmoil and feel drained. The same thing applies to my bizarre relationship with social media. I used to get a big guilt trip for not being more active on FB, Instagram, or other platforms. “You should’ve posted and commented more! You are not making enough impact or difference in people’s lives!” That naggy voice inside of my head was “shoulding” me ceaselessly. And I felt the overwhelm of not doing enough.
Then, one day, I decided to stop beating myself up for it because I noticed how much energy was wasted. Lol. I love and appreciate the fact that social media offers easy access to share my thoughts and develop a deeper connection with people in the world. But judging myself for not doing enough doesn’t help me feel more inspired nor motivated to create greater value to support others.
Sometimes we unknowingly use the mainstream benchmark to measure against ourselves and to neglect our internal needs or wants. The truth is we are all created differently in so many ways. Each one of us has our unique tempo to navigate everyday life. There are numerous self-help tips available, but what really matters is to start feeling more into our natural rhythm on a moment-to-moment basis.
Growing up, I was a very sensitive child. It wasn’t until much later that I learned that I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP). I’m someone who needs a lot of personal space. So constantly being around with a large group of people can really wear me out. I need time alone to regain my energy and a chance to contemplate uninterrupted. Aside from my extra sensitivity to environmental stimulation, I learn to give myself permission to feel my feelings (e.g., allow myself to cry more) without suppressing them or judging myself for being too intense.
Simple self-Inquiries are portals to our inner wisdom:
- What makes your body feel nourished?
- What makes your spirit feel uplifted?
- What relaxes your mind and set you free from overthinking?
Whatever that comes for you, choose to give yourself that without apology!!
Whenever you feel unnatural, bring yourself back to Naturalness. ~ Jen Yang
4. Self-Compassion is the Key to Heal
Are you sick of dealing with the same old unhealthy patterns? No one is made perfect. There were times I caught myself repeatedly acting out like a powerless victim when I felt unsupported by my loved ones. Then, I repeatedly judged myself for causing unnecessary disharmony instead of being a more emotionally mature, loving adult.
We all have some toxic behaviors we do over and over again, that negatively affect the people around us or hurt ourselves. “Oops, I did it again!” Like a little 5-year-old forgetting about her cavities, keeps sneaking into the fridge for a quick bite of chocolate bars. Why can’t we stop jumping through our own hoops?
True, we can only change what we are willing to see. Unfortunately, Self-Awareness doesn’t operate as an On-Off switch; none of us is designed to change overnight. To break out of any failure loop, new neural pathways have to be created in the brain. As much as we want to fast-track the process, it takes T-I-M-E.
Spotting ourselves repeating the same old patterns is the initial part of the Self-awareness, but shifting to a healthier new state is another stage of progression, which takes Self-Compassion to play along. Without inviting Self-Compassion in, we continue to criticize ourselves for failing to “fix the flaws,” it just adds up an extra layer of suffering or pain from feeling inadequate.
I’ve learned to slow things down, and taken the time to figure out the way I really want to respond, and what feels true to me, before jumping through my hoop again. Allow time to be your ally, not your enemy.
Self-Compassion (or Self-Forgiveness), the ability to see ourselves slipping into a personal failing without the need to whip our ass to create results. When we apply more self-compassion to nurture ourselves, we become more capable of giving the same to others.
Pause, Breathe before Reaction. Checking within like you are caring for your Best Friend:
- This is hella difficult right now, and I’m already doing the best I can. how can I comfort and care for myself at this moment?
- What feelings do I have around it? Is it sadness, worry, guilt, or anger? Where is in my body?
- What are the consequences today, in my life, if continuing to be this way?
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. ~ Jack Kornfield
5. Your Inner Reality Creates Your Outer Experience
It can be frustrating when life throws you a bunch of lemons out of nowhere. Even though some situations might not be truly life-threatening, they can still trigger our fight (getting angry, defensive)-flight (avoiding, hiding, escaping)-freeze (numbing out, or “play dead…”) response.
Life is all about choices. We make choices all the time, though most choices are just reactions. Each unexpected occurrence could be seen as a training ground that tests our tenacity and resilience, or it could be treated as a precious gift in disguise from the Universe that makes us wiser.
It’s important to remind ourselves of our built-in strength to switch from “2” to “4” when facing a divine 2-by-4. But what does that even mean??
It’s Happening “2 (TO)” Me. Witnessing myself stuck in the mental chaos, feeling completely powerless as a victim, and judging myself for not being able to snap out of it. The more I react towards the situation, the deeper I get sucked into a black hole. The only practical thing I can do for myself at this stage is to pour more self-compassion rather than self-deprecating thoughts.
It’s Happening “4 (FOR)” Me. Allowing myself to see from a more elevated bird’s eye view. Since it is serving my highest good, what am I possibly learning here? What is the situation teaching me? Is there anything that I’m taking granted for? Then, thank the situation for the lessons learned, even if the clarity is not fully obtained.
Notice, whenever you are stuck in a “2“, how does that make you feel. It’s essential to invite ourselves to come back up and look at things from a “4” perspective so we can see the forest for the trees. :))
Last but not least, Expect Miracles when riding through Surprises of Life. We are not trying to be Pollyannaish, but to stay grounded and feel peaceful, continue to trust that we are safe to see the good in all circumstances and we are well taken care of by a greater force beyond our intellect (the Universe or any higher power of your belief).
MI-RACLE: Me-Regularly-Actively-Seeing-Light (Love)-Everywhere. ~ Jen Yang
Our external world is the reflection of what we choose to believe and see internally. We are powerful creators of our own experiences. The more you connect within and know about yourself through the experiences you create, you stop falling for things that aren’t really deserving of you and your time. We start attracting the people, things, or circumstances that vibrate more on a similar wavelength.
I’m falling in love with this man’s voice, check it out: Lee Harris’s magical soothing song
Wishing you lots of love, joy, peace, and happiness in your day-to-day life!
xoxo,
Jen
