Honoring your O.O.P.S is a sacred action of Self-Love. ~ Jen Y.

“Oops!… I did it again” the lyrics of Britney Spears’ hit song (in 2000, what, 20 year ago?!) streamed into my ears, and I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t hear it. Divine download always seems to have its way to get through you when least expected, lol.

“Oops! Damn, did I do that?”

Do you find yourself caught in the emotional aftermath of any apparent mistake that you have a hard time letting go of?

Talking about how many times I’ve fallen into the trap of self-judgment when making mistakes? Hold on a sec; I’ll have to count my ten fingers multiple rounds!

Here’s my quick 4-step O-O-P-S process that has helped me get back up from that messy muddy place. So let’s get right into it!

A soft reminder, it’s essential to carve out time to make space for yourself when applying the process.

 

Step 1. “O”uch! – Be Open to Feel

So, let’s be real; no matter how hard you try to sugarcoat an emotionally charged experience and call it a “learning opportunity,” deep down, you can hardly avoid the lingering effects of the leftover feelings that make you feel disappointed about the past happening.

“Crap, you should’ve done better!”
“You could’ve tried the other way…”
“Why did you even do it?”
“Why did it even happen?”

The downward spiral of emotional turbulence can suck you dry and leave you feeling miserable about the incident. And you wonder why can’t you just get over with the yucky feeling of regret, shame, or guilt and just move on without beating yourself up. A positive mindset doesn’t seem to work its magic for some reason at this moment.

Nope. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling dramatic about whatever you label as “failure” or “mistake.” Attempting to shut down the awful feelings or shifting your attention to tackle the next thing can only do so much temporarily, most likely it’ll backfire. The heaviness may still return and haunt you at night.

You want to stay as positive as possible, no? Why bother to stay in emotional pain? Naturally, you want to push away anything that doesn’t seem legit to have (e.g., negative feelings from experience). The truth is both positive and negative emotions serve our growth. What’s arising in you exists for a reason. And it has the right to be felt whether you like it or not.

I realize acknowledging the “Ouch!” is gold. It’s not necessarily comfortable but worth a try. You let go of the need to pretend that it doesn’t hurt your self-esteem at all or brainwash yourself that you can’t feel defeated because you got a strong will to conquer the world like Iron Man.

We need this simple but mighty step. Pay close attention to how you’re feeling. Start from noticing.

“I notice that I’m worried…”
“I notice that I’m feeling sad…”
“I notice that I’m feeling angry…”
“I notice that I’m feeling stressed…”

Question: Do you tend to suppress your “Ouch?”

Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don’t lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”
― Sabaa Tahir

 

Step 2. “O”h! (interesting)” – Be Open to Wonder

Once you allow yourself to feel the rawness of your “Ouch”, it’s time to invite your childlike innocence onto the plate. Curiosity is like peeling onion layers, seeing things from different perspectives, which is a liberating move to make. You get to receive your personal “Aha-moments.”

Put aside the need to label what’s right or wrong, good or bad for a moment, but allow yourself to stay totally curious like a 3-year-old without the need to jump to the conclusion. Take a nice deep breath in & relax first.

For example, I wonder why am I feeling so sad or depressed?

“I feel like a failure and I’ll never be good enough…” Oh! (Interesting…)

“And if I’ll never be good enough, people will not love me for who I am…” Oh! (Interesting…)

“Hmmm… Is that even true?” Oh! (Interesting…)

“Maybe I just care a bit too much about how other people think of me?” Oh! (interesting…)

“Perhaps I need to learn how to validate myself more for trying so hard?” Oh wow! (Interesting…)

When you continue to wonder freely with the pure intention of just getting curious (not searching for any justification), you might start seeing the emotionally charged situation in a different light. I highly encourage you to become your own “Aha collector,” so to speak.

Question: Where can you shine more light to explore through “Oh! (Interesting…)?”

P.S. If you still find yourself somehow judging why things turn out the way it did and you should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, go back to step 1 to connect deeper with the “Ouch” so you can get to receive your aha moments with a playful heart.

I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious. ~ Albert Einstein

 

Step 3. “P”erfect Permission – Be Willing to Accept

If you’re like me, highly productive on fault-finding or getting down to the nitty-gritty, this step will put your nervous system in ease.

Start letting this idea sink in if you haven’t. Where you are is not who you are! It will challenge you at first because you might want to immediately justify why your situation is not acceptable, and you are convinced that you really messed up. But be very patient with yourself.

Say this out loud:

“It’s just Perfect (Say it like you Really Mean It)! Everything happens the way it’s supposed to be. Where I am is Perfectly OK.”

What, PERFECT, really?!

Your mind might freak out for a minute or two and want to argue with you that it’s not ok to accept where you are. Give yourself the permission slip to accept where you are is More Than just ok, even if your mind attempts to rebel on you. If you find yourself rejecting this statement, it’s perfectly fine too. But your job is to fly under the radar of your analytical mind that’s about to pull you into a flare.

First, breathe deeply, feel your feet firmly rooted on the ground, and wiggle your fingers & toes. You are safe in this very moment. And it is true (isn’t it? Lol).

Then, imagine yourself sitting on a Queen or King’s throne (try with a crown on your head too!). Now speak firmly and slowly as the imperial order: “Everything happens the way it’s supposed to be.” No one in the kingdom can argue with an empress (or an emperor)’s command. In this case, your mind has to learn how to “bow down” with total respect that’s commanding from your compassionate heart.

Play with it several rounds! We are here to play! We’re not here to get it perfect. Nothing is that serious, even if it doesn’t work out the way you want. Lol.

Question: Are you willing to “Give yourself Perfect Permission” to accept everything is how it’s supposed to be?

We are all perfectly imperfect, and that’s perfectly alright! ~ Bhawna

 

Step 4. “S”mile – Be Willing to Release Seriousness

Life is simpler than we think, but we are the ones who are making it much more complicated than it needs to be.
I don’t mean to force you to put on a smile if all you want to do is to break down and cry your eye balls out (trust me, I frequently do my “cry- ercise ” when going through intense times). That’s not the point. Humor ourselves is a must-learn skill if we desire to have more peace in life.
Of course, I’m not talking about self-deprecating humor to put ourselves down. But when you can see the “lighter side” of the story, your heart softens in an instant (an inner smile, that is). Laughing at myself more is definitely an art I want to master this lifetime!
“Haha…OMG, I’m taking it all too seriously!! Chill…(With an inner smile)”
“Haha…I’m trapped in my overthinking pattern again! Let me reset myself! Chill…(With an inner smile)”
“Haha…I forgot to breathe and relax again?! That’s crazy, let’s take another nice deep breath in now! Chill…(With an inner smile)”

Question: How willing are you to be generous with yourself, to have an inner smile to see the humor in your emotional charged story?

Everything simplicity touches, turns to gold. ~ Richard Rudd

“Oops, I did it again?” So what? Lol. It’s ok to feel crappy, messy, not getting it all together. No apology.

We are here to learn. We are here to experience. We are here to make mistakes, to fail, however way we want to experiment in this giant laboratory called LIFE while learning how to be gentle with ourselves.

So, I’d love to invite you to sit with these O.O.P.S inquiries. Ask yourself whenever your mind gets kidnapped by the outer circumstances and about to fight, flight, or freeze.

Know that it is ok to feel emotionally vulnerable,
It’s ok to get curious with an open mind,
It’s ok to give yourself permission to accept what it is in reality,
And, it’s ok to choose self-humor to lead yourself through it!

O.O.P.S process takes practice, but the intention is to help you soften up the intense feeling you may have experienced within and choose to ground yourself with acceptance & compassion so you can move towards feeling lighter and stronger.

So again, allow room for mistakes and be patient with yourself. After all, what we want the least is to freak our brains out. Lol.

“We are not here to Avoid Mistakes or condemn failures, but Allow Miracles to happen by leaning into the OOPS.” ~ Jen Y.

xoxo,
Jen